I know I’m not. Not only am I stuck in a rut- virtual schooling my kiddo consumes all of my time & energy, leaving little left for personal pursuits- but I am battling agoraphobia, as a complication of Panic Disorder.
Panic Disorder is a disorder in which debilitating anxiety and fear arise frequently and without reasonable cause. A panic attack pretty much feels like you’re literally dying of some unknown fright. Agoraphobia is a type of anxiety disorder in which you fear and often avoid places or situations that might cause you to panic and make you feel trapped, helpless or embarrassed. In my situation, it’s really an avoidance of panic attacks- I don’t do things that could cause them (even though the attacks happen out of the blue, there are sometimes identifiable triggers). Of course, I obsessively worry about having a panic attack in public which, cruelly, actually causes me to panic. It’s a terrible cycle. Even worse when people don’t, can’t, understand.
I AM trapped. I am a prisoner, in my own mind, in my own home. I WANT to go out & have adventures, but I can’t. My life is being wasted! Day to day, it’s easy to ignore that fact- caught up in raising & educating my children, housework, etc.
But NO MORE! I’m taking the reins & embarking on a kickass quest- not only to beat agoraphobia & reclaim a normal life, but to have a GREAT life, packed with adventure, knowledge, & kindness. A life worth living & lived to the fullest!
And so it begins!